by Rachel Stewart

Well, every week I think the world can’t get any crazier, and then it does. Honestly, if you think you’ve seen it all, you haven’t. There are always new surprises to not only make your jaw drop but make it fall off. It’s a wonder I’m actually able to speak with you today.

But I’m a great believer in laughter – even if only done nervously – because life is short and the grave is too close and there are no sunny corners in there.

Where to begin? Oh, I know. The robot.

Here’s the intro via The Telegraph. “A man, 19, and a boy, 16, are being investigated after the robot groped a 16-year-old girl’s backside and made “thrusting motions” towards her, according to police. The android, dressed in a white vest, tracksuit bottoms, a fake gold chain and a stick-on moustache, then allegedly assaulted her. Officers are investigating whether the robot was being directed via remote control or had its actions pre-programmed.”

Well, doh. That’s not gonna’ take too many investigative resources, now is it?

And here is that very robot doing its thang on the streets of Cologne.

As if it’s not enough to have thrusty, gropey males. Now we have thrusty, gropey robots programmed by them. Such fun.

And from sexualised robots to sexualised sheep. You’re probably pretty well up with Kiwibank and their mascot, – a green-haired, very feminine looking sheep named ‘Buck’ – which rhymes with something you might be lucky enough to partake in on a Saturday night or your birthday if you’ve behaved yourself. And they wonder why masses of people online decided to make sexualised sheep shagging jokes about their weird little creation.

Here’s John Oliver of Last Week Tonight helping to make New Zealand famous for all the wrong reasons once again. Please bear with the multitude of bleeps in this. Some of us are still guided by a bit of decorum.

Kiwibank’s worst nightmare right there! And New Zealand’s stellar reputation for romantic relationships with sheep remains firmly intact.

Now, let’s go to France. Metaphorically only. Nothing funny about the fact that La République is burning, but this latest bit of satire is worth a watch. If only to help you decide whether that lovely trip to Paris in the fall is still a goer.

Magnifique! Not Paris in the fall but during the fall.

Now, speaking of laughing in the face of the fragility of life, here’s one for the ages. To be clear, the death of Father Patricio Alfredo Sánchez of Ecuador is not a laughing matter, but it is a wonderful reminder that life works in mysterious ways.

He had just delivered a sermon where he’d reflected on mortality. “All of us are going to die,” he said. “Sometimes the time we have spent on things has far less meaning than the time we spend with God, the quality time we give to God, to our brothers and sisters, to our husbands, wives, children, and families. That is the time best spent.”

And then, bam! The massive wall-mounted crucifix behind him fell squarely forward, striking him on the head and killing him instantly. All of it happened during a livestream of the service.

While there’s no more earthly concerns for him any longer, imagine being the guy responsible for having affixed it to the wall. His earthly concerns are just beginning.

And, finally, back here in sheep shagger’s country our politicians in the Greens and the Maori Party have made us aware that they’re even bigger whack jobs than we’d previously believed.

Yes, just when you think there are no surprises left, they go and tout for votes from the Mighty Mongrel Mob. And upon discovering that the general populace doesn’t actually like their paid representatives consorting with crime syndicates, both parties have doubled down on their ill-advised visit.

What’s amusing about this is that these politicians and their advisors are so dense that they genuinely believe voters will understand their rationale for vote-harvesting with the Mob.

But if nothing else, it does achieve one good thing. Anyone who crows about voting for either of these parties saves us the time of working out whether they have cognitive issues or not. Straightforward and time-saving.

What joy and wonder can next week possibly bring?

Listen to the full episode of Riding Shotgun.