My 13-year-old daughter is a year 9 student at Wakatipu High School. 

The School’s Head of Health and Physical Education emailed me explaining an upcoming course on Relationship and Sexuality Education.  

The email read as follows:

Kia ora Parents/Caregivers,

This term, as part of the compulsory ‘Health Education in New Zealand Schools’ our Year 9 students will be participating in a unit of work focused on relationship and sexuality education. 

The following topics will be covered in your child’s Year 9 Health & Physical Education (5HPE) lessons: 

Relationships, including characteristics of both healthy and unhealthy relationships, influences on these and how to access help for yourself or others, if required

Sexuality, including diversity in gender and sexual identities and actions we can take to ensure we are being an inclusive school.

Pubertal change and strategies to manage this

Female and male anatomy and conception

Romantic Relationships

Consent

Where to go for help, support and advice if required.

Your child's upcoming Health lessons will include a range of learning activities and modes of learning, including powerpoints, videos, scenarios, group discussions and reflection. Our program includes aspects from the Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa's resource ‘Navigating the Journey’, as well as a variety of other sources.

The email appears innocent but raises multiple red flags. I have had the benefit of attending Family First’s Bob McCoskrie’s and Let Kids Be Kid’s Penny Marie’s and Elizabeth Cave’s presentations explaining what has happened in our schools.

Red flag #1: The email implies the course is compulsory. It isn’t. The Education and Training Act 2020 s.51 specifically makes it optional. 

Red flag #2: “[I]ncluding diversity in gender and sexual identities”. This is the idea that sex is assigned at birth and that we have a gender “feeling” that makes us something else, i.e. we can be born in the wrong body. There is an ever-expanding list of gender possibilities and, indeed, our gender identity can itself be ever evolving. 

Red flag #3: “Where to go for help, support and advice if required.”  Does this include parents?  Spoiler: it doesn’t. 

Red flag #4: “Your child's upcoming Health lessons will include a range of learning activities and modes of learning, including powerpoints, videos, scenarios, group discussions and reflection.”  What videos? What “scenarios”? What gets discussed in “group discussions”? Spoiler: it’s not good. 

Red Flag #5: “Our program includes aspects from the Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa's resource ‘Navigating the Journey’, as well as a variety of other sources.”  What is “Navigating the Journey” and what sources?

I wrote to the Head of Department with my concerns:

“I would be grateful if you could tell me when this unit is to start and on what days it will run. 

I would be grateful also if you could provide me the PowerPoints, the scenarios to be discussed, videos to be shown and also the “variety of sources” outside the “Navigating the Journey”. 

I would be grateful too if you provide me with “Navigating the Journey” for year 9s.”

I got the dates but not the curriculum. “The resources we use for this unit are intellectual property… [and] the Navigating the Journey resource is a purchased resource and we can not [sic] share this due to copyright.”

I could see the slides to be used but I would need to “acknowledge that the purpose of your request is to assess appropriateness… and that the material will not be used for any other purpose and/or distributed.”  

Of course, the slides are only a subset of what is to be taught. 

My concern became informed consent: I couldn’t see the material that was to be presented to my 13-year-old daughter. 

I did learn that the course was to be taken by a male teacher. 

However, the 196 page “Navigating the Journey” for Year 9 students is available as a PDF for $5 from “Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa” (formerly Family Planning). There are separate publications for each of years 1 to 10, i.e. ages 5 to 14. 

I got the Year 9 PDF. Remember: this is for 13-year-olds in the classroom, boys and girls together, and a male teacher. 

Marriage is mentioned only once and then only to explain that sexual assault can occur within marriage. That’s it. Marriage and family don’t feature in a course on Relationship and Sexuality Education. 

Abstinence is not recommended. It’s the 13-year-old’s choice.

The age of consent gets a mention but the course explains that children under 16 may still want to have sex in which case, “it is important that both people give consent and that contraceptives are used carefully”.  

The course explains over and over how 13-year-olds can give consent when legally they can’t give consent. 

The entirety of the message is pleasure, consent and contraception. There is nothing else that seemingly matters. 

The course is child-centred. There is much activity with the students split into groups to discuss, for example, what they know about sexuality, what it means to have sex and the giving and gaining of consent and so on, and which they then share with the class. 

The class is divided into pairs for pupils to practice putting condoms on wooden penises. 

The curriculum has many classroom resources for pupils working in groups. For example, within their group they connect the cards saying vaginal sex, anal sex and oral sex to the cards with the meanings. This is for 13-year-olds. Or matching labia minora (or ngutu pua pua iti) with its definition. The exercises are aids to stimulate class discussion. 

There are also scenarios presented to discuss. For example:

A young woman gets drunk at a party. She is flirting with and kissing an older woman. After dancing with her she passes out in a bedroom. The older woman has sex with her. 

Remember: this is for 13-year-olds. 

The curriculum is full-on gender theory: “sex is between your legs but gender is in your head and heart.”  You have a penis but you think and feel you are a girl, then voila, you are a girl.

The curriculum baldly states, “The main reason people take part in sexual activity is for pleasure.” 

The curriculum explains that masturbation is a good way to learn about what gives you pleasure with the pupil’s bedroom being a good place to masturbate. Male teachers are teaching this to 13-year-old girls under their care. 

The course explains that girls can get an abortion at any age. 

The course warns 13-year-olds that sharing sex toys can spread disease. 

The curriculum claims everyone is on their own different sexuality journey and everyone will have their own reasons for having sex or not. It’s all about what feels right and good for the 13-year-old. 

The videos that the curriculum recommends aren’t copyright. They can be seen here under The Real Sex Talk. The videos are co-written and co-produced by singer-songwriter Lizzie Marvelly paid for by New Zealand On Air and guided by Rape Prevention Education, Family Planning and Rainbow Youth. 

The videos showcase comedian Guy Williams, TV show host Matty McLean and Shortland Street actors. 

Here are some snippets from the videos recommended for 13-year-olds and I quote:

“So there are a bunch of sexual orientations that sit on the spectrum and it is just important to go with what works for you.

“If your sexuality is outside of the norm, that is awesome. 

“If you feel you don’t fully identify with the gender you have been assigned you can always reach out to places like Rainbow Youth, your GP or even a school counsellor. 

“When it comes to having sex for the first time, it is all up to you. You can do vagina to penis, or hands to vagina, or hands to vulva, or mouth to vulva, or vulva to vulva, or hands to penis, you could do mouth to penis or penis to anus. 

“Lube is especially important to use during anal sex because anuses don’t self-lubricate. 

“STIs are a common part of sexual activity and nothing to be ashamed about. Best thing to do is to get checked often. It is just like checking your hard drive for viruses. 

“You should have protection every time you have sex. And it is not just p in v, it is eggplant emoji and taco emoji, and it is eggplant emoji and mouth emoji, taco emoji and mouth emoji, eggplant and eggplant, eggplant and peach, taco and taco, taco and mouth. 

“If you are performing oral sex on a vulva you can always use a dental dam to protect both you and your partner from STIs. And if you don’t have a dental dam at home you can always make one from a condom and some scissors. 

“If you are drunk or high you can’t give consent. If something bad happens to you, it is not your fault. 

“We are not saying all porn is bad. And if you want to watch it, it is totally up to you. 

“Ethical porn is a genre that makes sure everyone is enjoying themselves whatever their sexual orientation. People are not doing things to each other but with each other. 

“There’s queer porn that is actually made by queer people for queer people. There’s loads of different types of porn out there.” 

Once I had reviewed the material I wrote to the Principal of Wakatipu High School requesting a section 51 release for my daughter.  He was very gracious in reply and readily agreed as he is obligated to do. 

I wrote to the Board Chair concerned about the material and informed consent. Parents are unaware of the content and are advised the course is compulsory when it is not. The curriculum itself is recommended by the Ministry but is not required. The school must choose the curriculum. It is the school’s choice.

The Board Chair was excellent in his reply. The Education and Training Act 2020 section 91 requires School Boards to consult the community on the content of the health curriculum at least every two years. 

The Chair advised me the biennial review is set for next term, term 3.  It’s up to parents of pupils at Wakatipu High School to determine the curriculum and whether their children opt in or out. They now have a once-in-two-year opportunity to have their say on whether the present curriculum is what they want for their children.

My concern is informed consent: that parents get to see the content their children are taught. To help, Let Kids Be Kids is setting up regional groups around New Zealand.  I'm part of the Queenstown and Lakes group. If you're not on Facebook and want to connect with a local group contact Let Kids Be Kids.

Postscript:  Earlier this year, the Ministry of Education banned urinals from new toilet blocks and upgrades.  For the Ministry, not all boys have a penis — and it’s wrong to make boys without penises feel excluded.  

This article originally appeared on Bassett, Brash & Hide on 3 July, 2024.