This week, the intrepid Lindsay rips into British Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, or should we say… Keir Staliner…

The odious regime of Keir Starmer, lovingly known as Keir Stalin to his admirers – but I shall call him Staliner – in Britonistan, is serving up an object lesson on where New Zealand was headed under the commie Labour regime here. Under these Marxist Mengelian ghouls, lockdowns, compulsory jabs, snitching to the modern-day Stasi, and speech-banning were fast being normalised, with unprecedented intrusions into a citizen's daily life. We were inexorably approaching the point where we'd be awakened by a government alarm at the beginning of each day and ordered in front of the government telescreen to perform physical jerks on the orders of a fry-quacking government instructress, as in George Orwell's 1984 – which our current government, by the way, should reinstate to the curriculum if it's serious about banishing Wokeness therefrom, along with Orwell's other Dystopian masterpiece, Animal Farm, Aldous Huxley's Brave New World and Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. The Teachers' Union would undoubtedly riot – which would be the perfect opportunity to de-register it. This is taxpayers' money we're talking about and taxpayers should not have to pay a bunch of Woke-Fascist freaks to indoctrinate children with Only Black Lives Matter and trans-Nazi propaganda. And don't forget, Government, to disestablish the Woke-Fascist Ministry of Education while you're about it!

But I digress already. Back to Keir Staliner and the lessons for us. Staliner, fresh from emptying jails of real criminals to make way for those arrested for criticising Islam on Faecesbook, fresh from removing a portrait of Margaret Thatcher from Downing St just as Barack Hussein Obama removed a bust of Winston Churchill from the White House, fresh from threatening YOOGE increases in taxation … Staliner has now proposed a ban on outdoor smoking, including at pubs with dedicated areas for outdoor smoking. Staliner has plummeted 30 points in the polls since the election, with this brand of totalitarianism being the main reason. Here's one Labour voter, at a pub, sounding off

Then why did he vote for Staliner? It is Orwell, it is 1984, you will have CCTV at home, and the only reason the government won't tell you how to cook an omelette is that the government will forbid you to make an omelette in the first place because eggs aren't vegan!

Jeremy Clarkson, who recently acquired a spiffing pub, repaired to his keyboard to call the decree “Stalinist” – what else? – and call Staliner a “full-on communist” who also wants to ban meat, private enterprise and all freedom of choice. He then mused that Staliner might deem such criticism a “hate crime” and have him hauled off to jail. One hesitates to say that too loudly. Though I have no hesitation in bestowing upon Jeremy Clarkson the Perigo's Perspective's Freedom Award:

Nigel Farage, whose Reform Party has surged to second place in the polls in the wake of Stalinerism and the Tory Party's pathetic, New Zealand National Party-like timorousness in the face of it … Nigel, at a pub, outside in the smoking area, fag in one hand pint in the other, weighed in similarly to Jeremy:

Nigel, if he doesn't get assassinated, is on track to become PM in 2029, if elections are still allowed by then. At this rate they won't be.

Katie Hopkins, sporting a glass of red to camera, has an intriguing theory as to why Killjoy Keir is so… anal-retentive.

If Staliner were gay it would be necessary for all self-respecting queers to disavow him. Historically, queers of all people know what government overreach looks like.

In New Zealand, of course, the totalitarians' inquisition against tobacco proceeds similarly, often spearheaded by members of the Shoplifters' Party who, while wanting to criminalise tobacco, want to legalise their substance of choice. Just as well for them they haven't yet criminalised hypocrisy. Their ilk do, after all, want to ban everything … or make it compulsory. They just scored a double-whammy in Ireland, where a teacher has been arrested for the third time for not endorsing transgenderism! He was first arrested for showing up for work after being suspended for refusing to use the pronoun they of a male pupil. He's spent a hundred days in jail all up, but keeps on showing up for work. This is his third arrest. His name is Enoch Burke.

Trans Tyranny! I'm sure New Zealand's most notorious drag queen, the hilarious, benevolent Carmen, whom I knew, would be appalled at what malevolent monsters trannies have become.

And that one is not allowed to say so! All over the world Far-Left totalitarians are shutting down free speech, with Brazil just having banned the use of X, formerly known as Twitter! Cackling Commie La-La wants that in America!

It certainly does! We can't have millions and millions of irredeemables and deplorables speaking freely to each other without Big Sister jackbooting everyone in sight!

Shove it up your arris, Harris!

Next week, that inexpressibly loathsome creature, to the left even of Staliner though she's trying to hide it now … Commie La-La and her pronouns and cackling and fry-quacking and upward-inflecting and Woke-Fascism will go up against Orange Man Bad in debate. She'll lose, catastrophically, as Biden did Good! But then I fear that she and Biden and their crooked Justice Department, Department of Homeland Security, FBI, CIA and Secret Service, after a failed assassination attempt in which I'm suspicious of all of them, will incarcerate Orange via the corrupt, evil Judge Merchan, hoping to clear the way for a Commie La-La regime that will outlaw, among a zillion other things, smoke and songs about smoke. I'm glad Jerome Kern and Anna Moffo are not around to see their country become a smokeless, joyless tyranny. Let us not go there, here.